Apart from family, I had never seen anyone in a committed relationship when growing up. I had friends who were players, changing girls after every week or month. In grade five, the first person to share their serious relationship with me made it seem easy.

During my secondary school and high school, I struggled to be in a committed relationship. But I had a lot of friends who were in deep relationships, some of whom I even considered role models. The first time I had a taste of a serious relationship was in my first year.

I had a friend who happened to like me a lot, and I liked her too. We never discussed dating or relationships. Still, we ended up doing everything couples do. Looking back now, it seemed we were in a relationship way back than I thought it started.

The feeling of spending time with someone you love, the hugs, the kisses was amazing. But the other things that came with a serious commitment in a relationship were hectic for me. I didn’t know anything about my rights and responsibilities in a relationship. Even worse, I was unsure how to deal with everything else outside of it.

They did not inform me that I had to check on her almost all the time during the day. I never knew I was supposed to tell her what I was going to do, where, with whom, and how. I never knew I had to ask for permission to meet other girls. I didn’t realise I shouldn’t meet some girls she saw as a threat.

I was not prepared to be friends with her friends, or to let her meet my crazy friends. I was not ready to get involved in her hobbies, like watching Korean movies. And I was not ready for the concept of spending most of my free time with her. The entire relationship came with a lot of missing pieces that I had to bring together.

Then she started talking about sex, romance, and kids. She started exploring ideas about our future together. Then came all the drama with her family and my family. We ended up arguing about everything and giving each other the silent treatment. Then we were still finding ways to apologise and get back to it.

In summary, my first relationship showed me that relationships were not easy at all. And I started to think about how my friend stayed in a serious relationship when we were in grade five. The way he made it look so easy to deal with his girl is not what I experienced, and my girl was a university student.

But I remembered one of the quotes I read in a book that “everything in life looks easy when you are not the one doing it.” My friend made it look easy because I was not involved; when I asked about it, he shared how hard things were. He mentioned that his school performance dropped because of the relationship. We never knew that.

”I struggled a lot in that relationship, I wasted a lot of time and money trying to impress that girl. I even caught her cheating more than twice and forgave her. When we broke up in grade seven, she sent dogs to chase me when I visited, there is nothing easy in that relationship bro,” he added.

That made me respect everything and everyone in life who does something, no matter how easy it looks. I understood the concept that things are always harder than they look from outside. And that teaches you humility and a good attitude to learn from the one doing it.

Nowadays, I respect people who are self-employed; they make it look easier than it actually is. I respect people doing crazy politics, professional sports, building their families, and more. I respect the writers and the readers because I know how hard things are from the inside.

Looking at something from the outside can make it seem easy. But remember that attitude won’t get you far, especially if you plan to try it. Stay humble and respect those already in the field. Learn from them first, so you don’t have to learn the hard way.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be free from suffering.

May you find peace and joy.

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Rogers Katuma

Financial Artist, Senior Adventurer, Occasional Storyteller and an Amateur Golfer